Greater happiness

Usually when things go wrong a normal person would try and cover their asses. Not for me though. I'd take the blame.

That day in class we were ask to write a principle that we stand by and I wrote: Treat others the way you want them to treat you. I would give up my happiness for the sake of others and hopefully in turn they would do the same.

And when my lecturer flashed it on the screen (names canceled out for anonymity) he laughed. And quite a few others laughed like it is impossible or a joke of some sort. At that moment, I felt stupid, angry…a miasma of feelings surged though me. I really do try and make people happy even if I'm unhappy inside. I don't want people to hate me or have any negative feelings about me. I just want them to feel comfy around me and not have their guards up whenever I'm there. I'd rather be the unhappy one than let others be unhappy. I find myself stupid, giving people what they want at the cost of my very own feelings. But I can't start afresh anymore. I might be bi-polar but I certainly do not want the whole world to know about it. A lot of people put their friends and family before everything, well that's okay. Or even better putting themselves before everything.

Well, I don't. I put everyone (regardless of the relationship that we share) before me. And if you ask me to save two people (one of which has some sort of relation to me and the other a total stranger) who are drowning or in some dire state that may cause death, I would save the one with a higher possibility of survival or the one who is nearest to me first but I would save both even if it costs me an arm or a leg.

Stop judging and pointing out to me what's impossible and what's not. I know my own limits so much better than you do.






Even if I know it's impossible, I can still hang on to that spark of hope that it is possible.



And in turn for making people happy, I no longer retain my individuality because I agree to do stuff that others are happy with…but not me.